Starting over...again

It's time that I actually write the blog that I keep wanting to write.  In order to do it justice though I want to first go back a few months to the start of this journey.  Here goes...

About a year and a half ago I was driving home from a friend's house on New Year's Eve day morning after a wonderful girl empowering evening celebration. You see, my dear friend "Y" had a fantastic girl only evening for all of us who had basically had a crappy year - in hopes that we'd start the year off with better juju.

We were all there for different reasons...me?  I was there because about 3 weeks earlier, a week before my birthday I came home from work and my boyfriend of 5 very long years had apparently taken the day off from work to clean his stuff out of the apartment.  I won't bore you with the details but how I remember the conversation going is:

Me: Hi honey! 

Him: Hi babe. How was work? 

Me: Good. I stopped and got dinner - think you're going to like it!  How was yours? Wait you're not dressed for work.

Him:  Yeah. We have to talk. 

Me:...(looking around and noticing a lot is gone) Wait, what's going on?

Him: Can I get a kiss? (<---WHAT!! ahem)

Me: Not till I know what's going on? 

Him: I'm leaving. This isn't working. Blah Blah Blah

Me: What the what?!?

Him: Blah blah blah...and I gotta go - I'm meeting a friend. 

Yep. That's the gist of what I remember. I believe that after 5 years together he gave me about 30 minutes before he left.  

Crappy story right?  Actually, little did I know but this would turn out to be one the best things that's happened to me. Granted didn't figure that out for a while. 

If Dawson were reenacting...

So, jump back to New Year's Day.  I'm driving home from my friend's house and I'm feeling GREAT! It was a perfect night with laughter, tears, songs, more laughter, good food, lots of drinks, great friends and release! 

Then I start balling. Sobbing. Uncontrollably. And at first I think it's about the ex but then I realize that he

was the furthest thing from my mind.  But what is on my mind....

EVERYTHING'S GOT TO CHANGE.  

So that's the beginning.  

Part 2 tomorrow. 

Tattoo Dreaming

I said little bro should add a bee because it's my nickname...

I've always loved tattoos and the people who get them.  My brother for example is what I'll call a tattoo-a-holic...there's always something new.  Either brand new ink or a touch up or change to something.  And be careful if you mention he should get something because you might just get a text a few days later with the picture of whatever you said (within reason).  He's crazy.  He's loud.  He's sometimes obnoxious (goes with the little brother territory).  But he is also the nicest, funniest, and one of the smarter people I know.  So pretty much I think he's awesome.  And for years I have been promising that I would join him at the tattoo parlor.

But I also have been telling myself for years that there's no way I could get one.  Because I'm an actor. A classical actor.  But let's face it that is silly.  I mean they make some pretty amazing coverup.  And actors have tattoos.

So what the fliibbity dibbity have I been waiting for?   Well, it all comes down to decisions.  Frankly I'm not that awesome at them.  Especially big ones.  So, something on my body...for life. Debating forever.  Which if you can imagine can become a problem at times.  And I'm sure I'm not alone. Right? 

But having realized this -- finally -- (it only took me how long?) I'm starting a decision bucket list of sorts.  Things that I have always had a desire to try but flip flopped so long that I talked myself out of them.  And a tattoo is on that list....and I even know what it will be....Cherry Blossom branch

It's not exactly right but I'll work with the artist on that.   Why?  Well, it's tri-fold.
1. DC has been a special place for me - both good, bad and in-between and it's the district flower
2. My favorite place in DC is the FDR Memorial especially during cherry blossom time.  Sitting near the tidal basin where the blossoms hang over and people watching and then strolling up the hill to see quotes like....

3. And finally because in Japanese meaning the cherry blossom is there to remind you that life is short so live live live while you are able!   JUMP so to speak.

So, I'm jumping.  Tattoo in 1 month and counting!

The First Happy

I suppose when blogs begin it's for any number of reasons....tracking projects, documenting an aspect of life, becoming the next Julie and Julia, an outlet to get everything out of your head and out to someone - anyone - else.... and I suppose this one is no different except that it's mine. 

I won't try and tell you all about me up front as I presume stories will come up when then need to based on the circumstances.  But I will say this I feel like I'm on the cusp of something bigger than I can imagine.  A change I can't yet see but feel in my soul.  A happiness like I've never known.  And I have known some happiness.   In fact I lived inside the dream world, doing my dream job, with a guy I thought was a dream, getting closer and closer to what I thought would be a happily ever after.  Except the word happy seemed/seems to be out of reach to me.  

My mom tells me not to be so serious all the time, my dad tells me that I have such a wonderful sense of humor but he sees it slipping away, friends say they like when I'm happy, the (now ex) guy used to say he never knew how to make me happy and when I sit down to write out what makes me happy I have trouble coming up with an honest list.  So where did I lose it?  Where along the way to this life I wanted did I learn to live without it? 

Well, I'm done asking when? why? what? I am shaking it up and going to CHASE THAT HAPPY.  Finding it in every crook and cranny I can and documenting it along the way just in case I ever lose it again.   Expect some threads but some complete randomness as I share what makes me smile.  And please share what makes you smile. (Whoever you future readers may be)  Who knows maybe Meryl Streep will someday play my mom in the movie....but as an actor I just hope I can play me.   

My first happy and my inspiration for blog title....Ze Frank.   This man is a riot, a hoot, a kindred soul in the goofy.  I visit his blog and watch the many videos, search through the projects when I need a smile, an inspiration, a reminder to look at people for who they are - people.  

And my favorite video with the happy typist dance (which I sometimes do at bars to get people to laugh)   ENJOY!  Laugh and then post your favorite Ze link.